On the eve of my thirtieth time around the sun, I spent just a small chunk of my red eye coming up with these 30 things I learned before reaching 30. Truth be told, it’s a bit of a tradition for me to do this exercise each year on my birthday because I love rereading the stream of consciousness list of items I come up with and having a moment of gratitude for really being another year wiser, not just older. However, this year, since I’m entering a new decade and feeling wiser than ever, haha, I thought I would share it with you all! Keep in mind, I could do an individual mini novella on all of these lessons but for the sake of this post I kept everything relatively short and sweet. Feel free to comment below or on social media about the items that really hit home for you and of course, any questions or thoughts.

So here it goes, 30 things I learned before 30:

  1. Sometimes the best decisions are the toughest ones to make. I’d say for most of my best choices in this past decade, those closest to me second guessed or straight up tried to talk me out of the most epic calls I’ve made. Luckily, I learned the importance of trusting YOUR gut above anyone else’s even earlier on in life.
  2. When in doubt, go for the option that would make a better chapter in your memoir. This has been a hilarious but great barometer for the “should I just hop on that plane?” moments of life and I’ve yet to regret going for the more adventurous choice.
  3. You are not your elevator speech, you are not your job — you are just gloriously you and that in itself is enough without any of the glitter and gold. You will survive past any title that anyone wants to give or take away from you and to the people who truly matter, it’s all just sprinkles on the top of the already amazing cupcake that is you.
  4. You have to know deep inside your being that you are incredibly lovable because no man (woman/lover/etc) will ever be to make you feel that way if you don’t already know it yourself. Enough said, non-negotiable.
  5. Be kind to everyone. See people. Smile at people. You never know how much someone might need that sunshine in the middle of a gloomy day. When in the depths of dealing with my brother’s illness, I’d have a guy hold the door for me at the supermarket because I had two bags in my arms and his kindness would make me tear up in gratitude. The little stuff matters. We all need those micro doses of human love and kindness.
  6. Hearing your own intuitive guidance is 10% of the battle, the other 90% requires you actually trusting yourself enough to listen and having the courage to take some action.
  7. The people who disappoint you need your love and forgiveness the most. This was a tough one for me but I truly have realized that people hurt themselves the same way they will hurt you. We are all our own worst critics and oftentimes our own worse crucifier so you can put down the sword and just send them love.
  8. Pain is part of life but suffering is a choice you make. Sounds a little crazy, right? It’s a game changing decision to decide not to tolerate suffering. It’s amazing how much more effective you can be in handling any situation when you isolate the suffering from the actual pain. I’ve also gotten a lot of time back in my day from releasing it as soon as I see myself going down to suffer town. (P.S. “Stress” is suffering — we’ve just been tricked into thinking it’s normal and necessary. It’s a choice.) 
  9. The answer is always inside. To any and all questions — yes even ones involving big financial decisions– especially those! Trust your inner expert.
  10. The most confident men(or women) will still need your love and compliments to feel their best. Don’t hold back your praise just because they are receiving compliments from everyone else. There is so much magic in the woman he loves (or man she loves) reflecting back to him how wonderful he is. Be a cheerleader.
  11. Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect. No one is happy all the time. And anyone pretending to be either isn’t real or honest. It’s okay to experience the whole messy human spectrum — it can even be fun if you don’t take it too seriously.
  12. Stop hiding how weird you are because there are so many people waiting to love and connect with your quirky side. You can’t find your tribe if you don’t take off that mask your wearing.
  13. Don’t pay attention to what anyone else is doing, how old they are, how many followers they have or how picture perfect their life looks on social media. Keep your eyes on the road in front of you, listen to your own gps system and you will get exactly where you are meant to go so much faster.
  14. Keep the impossible on the to do list. For some of the greatest things I’ve done, everyone in my life thought I was ‘delusional’ or ‘naive’ when I first put them on my agenda. That lyric, “if you can dream it, you can do it” is actually truer than you may think. (That song also always make my heart explode and tears roll down my cheeks — “I believe I can fly” by R. Kelly… before he got trapped in a closet.)
  15. Release what you thought it was supposed to look like. Focus on how it would FEEL and allow that to be your compass.
  16. “The best thing to hold on to in life is each other” – Audrey Hepburn, call your grandma, tell your parents how much you freaking love them and drive the six hours to hang out with your brother. You will never regret the time you spent with family. They are your greatest treasure (even when they drive you crazy).
  17. Pets are angels sent here to show us unconditional love. Don’t be ashamed that you talk to your dog, cat or fish — I’m pretty sure that you’d be weirder if you didn’t. It’s okay to love them to pieces and it’s also okay to be a hot mess when they pass. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
  18. Best friends are just as precious as family. Being across the country hasn’t made a stitch of a difference in my relationships with my nearest and dearest. Although I miss hanging out in the flesh often, I’m so grateful for regular cross country calls and text threads. They make my life so much sweeter.
  19. Writing a book is more intense than anyone tells you it’s going to be but more rewarding than you could have imagined. Holding this thing you created in your hands or watching someone you’ve never met buy it barnes and noble and email you about how it’s changing their life is never not a surreal moment. One of the coolest yet hardest things I’ve done to date for sure. 
  20. Sleep is a magical cure all. Getting proper sleep will make you a whole new human. 8 hours of solid sleep will allow your body to do what it does best and self regulate and heal. Listen when it wants more, it has work to do.
  21. Honor the seasons of your life, they all have their benefits. Winters and falls in your career or love life allow you to release what doesn’t work, rest up, take care of yourself and get yourself in fighting shape for spring and summer when you’ll be grateful you had that time to rest and reflect before life got so busy and blooming again.
  22. Music is great medicine for the soul. Choose what you ingest wisely but use it liberally in your day. I don’t know what I would do with out it. I have a playlist for almost everything.
  23. No one actually knows what they are doing. There are only varying degrees of pretending like you maaybbbee might. We are all just winging it…(cause that’s what angels do, haha.)
  24. With all decisions, pretend life is a video game and two options drop down from a menu –– do X or do Y. The option you’d choose in the video game tends to be what you truly want and the option you lean towards in life will usually be what will ruffle the least feathers or cause less friction. Do your video game choice.
  25. Being sensitive is a super power. My body is so sensitive and often people feel like they should feel bad for me because of it. I actually see it as more of a secret weapon that it’s actually able to communicate to me so clearly what food and products are hurting it or toxic. Even my feelings, which can be intense,  show me the soul aligned answers to most decisions before my mind can even get to it’s rational and logical conclusion.
  26. Always bring your own food for flying. (C’mon – – had to sneak one health one in there..)  Chia seed pudding with fruit and granola (for morning flights) and guacamole or a salad for later flights will always make you want to give yourself a pat on the back a few hours into the your journey. Snacking on my gluten free pretzels and guacamole that I brought from home as I write this on my flight tonight and I’m happy as a clam!
  27. When someone wants to be in your life, they’ll make it happen. Life is too short to chase people who don’t want to make time to see you. Whether it’s a guy who’s not asking you out or a girlfriend who constantly flakes on plans and is hard to reach — let go of the people who don’t care if you are in their life and get to loving on all the fabulous people who do!
  28. Just ask! You never know the answer unless you put yourself out there and ask the question. At the end of the day, regardless of position or power we are all just people. Be kind, courteous but certainly throw your hat into the ring. The Wayne Gretzky quote, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.” is a mantra that plays frequently in my head when it comes to making a courageous ask for something I truly want.
  29. It’s a beautiful thing to enjoy your own company. And it’s perfectly acceptable to schedule time with yourself on your calendar, in fact, I highly recommend it. If someone can’t respect that you would rather show up for your pre-planned me time date than go to some last minute party, that’s their problem.
  30. Life is a big amusement park. We are all just riding our own rollercoasters. Sometimes your going to be on the way up and sometimes you’ll be on the way down. Neither is permanent and as long as you realize your on a ride, you can enjoy the whole journey.

 

PS. In true birthday spirit, I also got really clear about where I want to go this next year and what adjustments need to be made. Cliff notes version: Aprecity is shifting to include a facebook group where we can take our community building and support to the next level (keeping it open to the public for the first 30 days so join here if you are curious!), the majority of my focus is going on Eat with Intention! I’m excited to be traveling for more book signings and speaking engagements as well as churning out new episodes of Eat with Intention TV and aligning with a network to help grow the show even further, to make room for this I will only be taking on 4 full time ‘practical magic’ mentorship clients at a time and a la carte sessions when possible based on my schedule. If you are interested in either, visit my coaching page to book a session or get on the waitlist once it fills.