Month: February 2017

On the eve of my thirtieth time around the sun, I spent just a small chunk of my red eye coming up with these 30 things I learned before reaching 30. Truth be told, it’s a bit of a tradition for me to do this exercise each year on my birthday because I love rereading the stream of consciousness list of items I come up with and having a moment of gratitude for really being another year wiser, not just older. However, this year, since I’m entering a new decade and feeling wiser than ever, haha, I thought I would share it with you all! Keep in mind, I could do an individual mini novella on all of these lessons but for the sake of this post I kept everything relatively short and sweet. Feel free to comment below or on social media about the items that really hit home for you and of course, any questions or thoughts.

So here it goes, 30 things I learned before 30:

  1. Sometimes the best decisions are the toughest ones to make. I’d say for most of my best choices in this past decade, those closest to me second guessed or straight up tried to talk me out of the most epic calls I’ve made. Luckily, I learned the importance of trusting YOUR gut above anyone else’s even earlier on in life.
  2. When in doubt, go for the option that would make a better chapter in your memoir. This has been a hilarious but great barometer for the “should I just hop on that plane?” moments of life and I’ve yet to regret going for the more adventurous choice.
  3. You are not your elevator speech, you are not your job — you are just gloriously you and that in itself is enough without any of the glitter and gold. You will survive past any title that anyone wants to give or take away from you and to the people who truly matter, it’s all just sprinkles on the top of the already amazing cupcake that is you.
  4. You have to know deep inside your being that you are incredibly lovable because no man (woman/lover/etc) will ever be to make you feel that way if you don’t already know it yourself. Enough said, non-negotiable.
  5. Be kind to everyone. See people. Smile at people. You never know how much someone might need that sunshine in the middle of a gloomy day. When in the depths of dealing with my brother’s illness, I’d have a guy hold the door for me at the supermarket because I had two bags in my arms and his kindness would make me tear up in gratitude. The little stuff matters. We all need those micro doses of human love and kindness.
  6. Hearing your own intuitive guidance is 10% of the battle, the other 90% requires you actually trusting yourself enough to listen and having the courage to take some action.
  7. The people who disappoint you need your love and forgiveness the most. This was a tough one for me but I truly have realized that people hurt themselves the same way they will hurt you. We are all our own worst critics and oftentimes our own worse crucifier so you can put down the sword and just send them love.
  8. Pain is part of life but suffering is a choice you make. Sounds a little crazy, right? It’s a game changing decision to decide not to tolerate suffering. It’s amazing how much more effective you can be in handling any situation when you isolate the suffering from the actual pain. I’ve also gotten a lot of time back in my day from releasing it as soon as I see myself going down to suffer town. (P.S. “Stress” is suffering — we’ve just been tricked into thinking it’s normal and necessary. It’s a choice.) 
  9. The answer is always inside. To any and all questions — yes even ones involving big financial decisions– especially those! Trust your inner expert.
  10. The most confident men(or women) will still need your love and compliments to feel their best. Don’t hold back your praise just because they are receiving compliments from everyone else. There is so much magic in the woman he loves (or man she loves) reflecting back to him how wonderful he is. Be a cheerleader.
  11. Don’t be so hard on yourself. No one is perfect. No one is happy all the time. And anyone pretending to be either isn’t real or honest. It’s okay to experience the whole messy human spectrum — it can even be fun if you don’t take it too seriously.
  12. Stop hiding how weird you are because there are so many people waiting to love and connect with your quirky side. You can’t find your tribe if you don’t take off that mask your wearing.
  13. Don’t pay attention to what anyone else is doing, how old they are, how many followers they have or how picture perfect their life looks on social media. Keep your eyes on the road in front of you, listen to your own gps system and you will get exactly where you are meant to go so much faster.
  14. Keep the impossible on the to do list. For some of the greatest things I’ve done, everyone in my life thought I was ‘delusional’ or ‘naive’ when I first put them on my agenda. That lyric, “if you can dream it, you can do it” is actually truer than you may think. (That song also always make my heart explode and tears roll down my cheeks — “I believe I can fly” by R. Kelly… before he got trapped in a closet.)
  15. Release what you thought it was supposed to look like. Focus on how it would FEEL and allow that to be your compass.
  16. “The best thing to hold on to in life is each other” – Audrey Hepburn, call your grandma, tell your parents how much you freaking love them and drive the six hours to hang out with your brother. You will never regret the time you spent with family. They are your greatest treasure (even when they drive you crazy).
  17. Pets are angels sent here to show us unconditional love. Don’t be ashamed that you talk to your dog, cat or fish — I’m pretty sure that you’d be weirder if you didn’t. It’s okay to love them to pieces and it’s also okay to be a hot mess when they pass. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
  18. Best friends are just as precious as family. Being across the country hasn’t made a stitch of a difference in my relationships with my nearest and dearest. Although I miss hanging out in the flesh often, I’m so grateful for regular cross country calls and text threads. They make my life so much sweeter.
  19. Writing a book is more intense than anyone tells you it’s going to be but more rewarding than you could have imagined. Holding this thing you created in your hands or watching someone you’ve never met buy it barnes and noble and email you about how it’s changing their life is never not a surreal moment. One of the coolest yet hardest things I’ve done to date for sure. 
  20. Sleep is a magical cure all. Getting proper sleep will make you a whole new human. 8 hours of solid sleep will allow your body to do what it does best and self regulate and heal. Listen when it wants more, it has work to do.
  21. Honor the seasons of your life, they all have their benefits. Winters and falls in your career or love life allow you to release what doesn’t work, rest up, take care of yourself and get yourself in fighting shape for spring and summer when you’ll be grateful you had that time to rest and reflect before life got so busy and blooming again.
  22. Music is great medicine for the soul. Choose what you ingest wisely but use it liberally in your day. I don’t know what I would do with out it. I have a playlist for almost everything.
  23. No one actually knows what they are doing. There are only varying degrees of pretending like you maaybbbee might. We are all just winging it…(cause that’s what angels do, haha.)
  24. With all decisions, pretend life is a video game and two options drop down from a menu –– do X or do Y. The option you’d choose in the video game tends to be what you truly want and the option you lean towards in life will usually be what will ruffle the least feathers or cause less friction. Do your video game choice.
  25. Being sensitive is a super power. My body is so sensitive and often people feel like they should feel bad for me because of it. I actually see it as more of a secret weapon that it’s actually able to communicate to me so clearly what food and products are hurting it or toxic. Even my feelings, which can be intense,  show me the soul aligned answers to most decisions before my mind can even get to it’s rational and logical conclusion.
  26. Always bring your own food for flying. (C’mon – – had to sneak one health one in there..)  Chia seed pudding with fruit and granola (for morning flights) and guacamole or a salad for later flights will always make you want to give yourself a pat on the back a few hours into the your journey. Snacking on my gluten free pretzels and guacamole that I brought from home as I write this on my flight tonight and I’m happy as a clam!
  27. When someone wants to be in your life, they’ll make it happen. Life is too short to chase people who don’t want to make time to see you. Whether it’s a guy who’s not asking you out or a girlfriend who constantly flakes on plans and is hard to reach — let go of the people who don’t care if you are in their life and get to loving on all the fabulous people who do!
  28. Just ask! You never know the answer unless you put yourself out there and ask the question. At the end of the day, regardless of position or power we are all just people. Be kind, courteous but certainly throw your hat into the ring. The Wayne Gretzky quote, “You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.” is a mantra that plays frequently in my head when it comes to making a courageous ask for something I truly want.
  29. It’s a beautiful thing to enjoy your own company. And it’s perfectly acceptable to schedule time with yourself on your calendar, in fact, I highly recommend it. If someone can’t respect that you would rather show up for your pre-planned me time date than go to some last minute party, that’s their problem.
  30. Life is a big amusement park. We are all just riding our own rollercoasters. Sometimes your going to be on the way up and sometimes you’ll be on the way down. Neither is permanent and as long as you realize your on a ride, you can enjoy the whole journey.

 

PS. In true birthday spirit, I also got really clear about where I want to go this next year and what adjustments need to be made. Cliff notes version: Aprecity is shifting to include a facebook group where we can take our community building and support to the next level (keeping it open to the public for the first 30 days so join here if you are curious!), the majority of my focus is going on Eat with Intention! I’m excited to be traveling for more book signings and speaking engagements as well as churning out new episodes of Eat with Intention TV and aligning with a network to help grow the show even further, to make room for this I will only be taking on 4 full time ‘practical magic’ mentorship clients at a time and a la carte sessions when possible based on my schedule. If you are interested in either, visit my coaching page to book a session or get on the waitlist once it fills.

I’ve been trying to decide how to tell you, when to let it out and how to make it useful. I’ve made small attempts and hinted at it in my workshops and posts, it’s going to be real, raw and out there in my next book (already in the works and more along the memoir lines) but today I saw a Danielle LaPorte quote that made my whole soul breathe a sigh of relief and something inside me felt pulled towards writing this post.

“Getting off track is essential to our growth.”

– Danielle LaPorte

Last year, I fell off track, I got lost, confused and felt depleted in so many ways. It felt like I was drowning, I couldn’t keep up with emails, handle the tech hiccups on my newly launched love-child Aprecity and make sure everything was perfect for the pub date of “Eat with Intention” with out constantly feeling scattered and like I was letting someone somewhere down. To be brutally honest, I felt like I was just not enough for more of the day than not. Of course, there were brief intermissions when I was teaching, coaching or meditating by the water where I would connect to my higher self and rise above my human ‘situation’ (and boy did I look forward to them) but on the whole — it was a rough one.

I had teachers, mentors, people I looked up to, that fell rapidly from grace in my eyes. I saw things in them I couldn’t unsee, things I couldn’t align myself with, disappointment overwhelmed me as these former idols tumbled to the ground. Who can I trust? Who feels real? Who feels good hearted, well intentioned? What was I doing because of their guidance and what was I doing because it actually felt good to me?

I started challenging concepts and “spiritual truths” that had been drilled into my head. I questioned everything. I needed to recalibrate, to find once again what felt like the truth to me. To release what anyone had I told me and remember what the truth felt like in my body. To release somethings for good and to reclaim the things that really felt expansion for myself, uninfluenced.

I experimented with different tools. I stepped away from a rigorous kundalini sadhana temporarily and spent mornings with the ocean, listening to my breath, I tried vedic meditation on for size and reclaimed my spiritual practice as my own. I leaned into a breathwork practice that awakens my body’s energetic wisdom and connects me to an all sensory oneness. I release the rules and followed what felt good, juicy and restorative.

I cried. I journaled. I talked to girlfriends. I talked to trees. I talked to God, my guides, and even my deceased goldfish, Terminator. It all helped. And I didn’t judge myself for it.

Ah, the beauty in the breakdown.

The chilling breeze at sunset before the rays of light return in the morning.

I crumbled. Again, on my knees, like almost five years ago during the first ‘dark night of the soul’. Except I knew what was happening this time. I knew what to do. I had to surrender.

My only option was to give it all up, to turn it all over and welcome in everything that was flowing my way. To trust that amidst this pain was a divine lesson. In fact, the most beautiful lesson, the lesson we are constantly relearning time again.

HOW TO COME BACK HOME TO YOURSELF.

The remembering who you truly were before everyone told you what you should be. The returning of your trust to YOUR divine guidance system. The loving of all people but not taking anyone’s truth as your own.

THE PERMISSION TO FORGE YOUR OWN PATH GUIDED FROM YOUR SOUL.

Ah, the glorious taking back of your own power — isn’t that what everything always boils down to?

The story didn’t end there, in fact, it’s got a lot of twists and turns (potentially an entire book’s worth, if you know what I’m saying..) but like all great adventures, it never truly ends and often when we think we’ve made it through the worst, we still have that one final dragon to slay.

My dragon came from one final blow to the heart, someone who had been there for me every step of the crazy rollercoaster this year, who celebrated the highs and held me through the lows — just when I thought the coast was clear, when my magic was coming back at full force, when my smile returned to it’s normally steady state on my face and the twinkle was glistening back in my eyes — they took their mask off. They showed their true colors and like a flash of lightning, they were out of my life faster than I could process what happened and left me only with the shock pulsating through out my body. Whaaaaaattt?! You’re kidding me?? 

Ah, the greatest challenge yet! Would I let this painful knife in my back cause me to turn my back on my own intuition? Would I dismiss my own internal guidance system because I had given this person so much trust, so much love, because I was so off base in seeing them for who they truly were? Absolutely not. Hell no. I had come way to far. I had too much momentum. I was hurt, I was injured, but I had much larger sword in my pocket and enough life-force to keep going despite the blood loss. I had faith in myself and in my own healing capacity. It was there now, holding me up as parts of me felt very fragile again.

There was no wailing.

No,”why Universe, why?”

I finally saw it for what it was.

A friendly, removing of energy in my life that wasn’t aligned with my best interest. Of energy that didn’t truly or honestly care for or cherish my presence. A removal of a poison that had seeped into my blood stream like sweet, sweet, sugar and was never truly good for me at all. Or perhaps, was simply no longer good for me. A lie that I held so close and so dear to my heart that I had never truly seen it before.

Days later, I was back at the beach talking it over with Mama Ocean and feeling so peaceful. It was the most intensely gorgeous feeling. An integration of something I had said countless times in my teachings finally in every particle of my being. I truly knew that everything was happening for the best and that the present moment was exactly where I needed to be. And I didn’t just know that intellectually or because I read it in some spiritual self-help book. I knew it in my body, it swirled around in my breath, this knowing rested gently around my heart like a warm blanket.

I’m not saying it didn’t hurt, I’m not saying I didn’t cry or there weren’t moments of total rage at the absurdity I felt towards the whole situation, but beneath it all, on my level of truth, this knowing, this trusting held me on steady on ground. I felt peace at a level deeper than I had ever imagined.

Logistically, emerging from this cocoon of self-discovery wasn’t an overnight thing. It’s a work in progress. It’s still going on. During this whole process, I made some big decisions, I said yes to things that my whole body screamed, “NOOO!!!” to, I fell behind with things that mattered dearly to me, I still have a lot of repairing and restructuring to do but I’m bursting with excitement at this hearty undertaking. I’m ready, I’m willing and I’ve found my flow again.

I’m rebuilding my ‘house’, I’m throwing out furniture that I never liked to begin with, I’m hanging new pictures on the wall, I’m releasing and renewing at a pace that feeeeeeels good to me. I’m feeling my own light expanding by the day and I’m willing to do what it takes. I’m grateful for the past several months, I’m grateful for the peeling back of layers, the removal of the veil and the reclaiming of my life. I am so freaking grateful for this juicy life. It’s time to wake up, it’s time to rise and I couldn’t think of a better time to be standing here, eyes wide open seeing more clearly than ever, my heart as my compass and a fire inside of me that’s ready to rise, that ready to light the way and bring an unstoppable warmth to this crazy world. Who’s with me?

“why decide to rise?

Not for the reasons you might think.

In fact, these are the reasons that will make you sick and tired:

Do not rise out of obligation.

Do not rise because of feared consequences.

Do not rise because you think being tough

makes you smarter (it doesn’t).

Decide to rise because you want to expand — your being, your life,

your possibilities. Decide to rise because superpowers are meant 

to be activated and applied in everyday life.

Decided to rise to explore your place in the universe.

– Danielle LaPorte

And so rise I will, trusting in my own divine wings and compass more than ever before.

xo,

C

In beautiful synchronicity, a few of my Aprecity members had emailed in this past month requesting a workshop on getting back on track, finding their flow again and coming back after feeling derailed. So naturally, I knew I was being nudged to come forward, to bare myself before you and to teach what I have so deeply recently learned. This upcoming Aprecity workshop on February 12th will be a deep dive into find your flow again, getting your groove back and finding the divine gifts that come from falling off track. If this is something that resonates with you, join us by signing up here for the 7 day free trial. I’m beyond excited to share more with you.